I never really got into Umamasume, but I think I get it now. It’s fun when the Fast Horse Girl horses fast at the going fast for horses track.

In this example the horse girl is a Satyr, and the track is a 6/6 flying trample Bloodthirster who generates extra combats. The gatcha element is the same.

Eat your heart out, Gold Ship.

While everybody else is going crazy for Samut, Hazoret’s Champion (uncultured people may say they're an objective upgrade as Commander), I find it much more fun to run outside of the pack. Anything we’re saying here works for ol’ Sammy as well, and will ultimately act as a force multiplier for any strong red haste commander.

The Gameplan

We’re going to lean into two things that red decks do very well. Big creatures with powerful attack triggers, and haste. We’ll also (almost accidentally) have a Warrior subtheme, but largely just because they have the effects that we're looking for.

Our main gameplan is going to involve getting Gallia or another haste enabler out, ramping up with some treasures and/or a ritual, and then smashing everybody down with the oppressive weight of hasted creatures that either give effects on attack or on combat damage.

Starting off Fast

Our commander is a mere 2 mana, and our threats are expensive, so we want to be building an early advantage through temporary mana we can cash in on an impactful turn.

We ain’t got time for ramp - instead, we’re going to be hasting out things like a Professional Face-Breaker, Gimli of the Glittering Caves, Prosperous Bandit, or other treasure generators to keep the gameplan going; they generate mana on hit but also chip down everybody’s health while they do so. Knuckles the Echidna is the MVP here, because he also likes to go fast.

It's mildly embarrassing how much Knuckles is on theme here

Skip the Thought Vessels and Mind Stones, they’re just going to ultimately slow you down. In fact, the only traditional 2 mana ramp we’re running is Ruby Medallion (since that has a ridiculous compounding effect when we start burning through spells).

All of this builds up to a crescendo later on in the game, where we’ll throw a Mana Geyser out, play the biggest, angriest lad you’ve ever seen, and start cracking the treasures to let all of his friends join the party.

Continuing to go Fast

Once we have a solid basis, we have two options. We can search for a way to get our creatures +1/+1 counters on ETB, since Gallia gives them haste, or if we get enough temporary mana banked we can ignore anything that isn’t a big creature and use Gallia’s activated ability to give it haste instead.

The second one is more appealing and works the gameplan better, but there’s a handful of ways to get +1/+1 counters or haste onto our creatures without Gallia’s ability (if you draw them, great, but they’re not worth getting rid of good stuff in the deck to guarantee).

Now we start populating the field with a few triggers that we can take advantage of later. We’ve stacked a portion of the deck with copy effects, damage doublers, ways to get our creatures trample or double strike, and exile card draw. Now’s a good time to throw whatever you draw out onto the field ahead of the final wave.

Knuckles the Hedgehog, Gimli, and this Chaos Space Marine Are All Warriors For Some Reason:

Little bonus subtheme here. Red has access to a boatload of Warriors, and they work really well together. We’ve got Knuckles for treasure, Gornog the Red Reaper to pump our creatures, Aspiring Champion to sneak some creatures out, and 5-10 chumps whose entire oeuvre is extra combats,

That means we can sneak a couple of cheeky kindred cards in. Kindred Charge and Molten Echoes double our warriors since the majority of them are Combat Celebrant style non-legendary creatures, Metallic Mimic ensures they have haste from the +1/+1 counters, and we can make some enemy blockers Cowards with Gornog or Kargan Intimidator.

Hit them in the face now

Now we unleash. We have a reservoir of treasures, a smattering of either copy, ramp, attack trigger effects, or warriors, and a few cards in hand.

Time to rev up those fryers, because I sure am hungry for sixteen hasted Elder Dinosaurs. 

Hopefully you’ve drawn a ritual, and if not, hopefully you have a boatload of treasures. We’re in red so please forgive making you read momentarily, but crack all of your treasures now and play every single card that says ‘additional combat phase’ or ‘create a token copy’ that you have in hand.

Chuck out the Bloodthirster, prime up the Great Train Heist, get the Sneak Attack ready. We’ve got enough triggers in the deck that you honestly might accidentally go infinite here between extra combats and copy effects, assuming you have the creatures to overpower the rest of the board. If not, a couple of combats and some big stompy creatures usually get the job done just as well as infinite ones.

Upgrades

Obviously we can soup this deck up a little bit. 

The first step would be to swap out the commander entirely, which seems a little redundant for a Deck Tech, but Gallia is fun and thematic and I love her she’s great don’t talk to me.

If you absolutely must, Samut, Hazoret’s Champion circumvents about 25% of the deck but just…giving them haste instead of this whole +1/+1 counter malarky. Boring but effective.

Next up, we can swap a few creatures out for more powerful ramp and on-hit effects. Ancient Copper Dragon is always ridiculous when it hits the field, Roaming Throne does the job on being an effect doubler for Warriors, and Ragavan is an extra treasure generator and ramp package in a 1 mana annoyance.

The final upgrade would be your expensive, good card package. Agatha’s Soul Cauldron and The Ozolith for +1/+1 counters, Dolmen Gate, Deflecting Swat, and Redirect Lightning for some protection, and Jeska’s Will for all your mana and card advantage in one package.

If you’re looking for something a bit less juiced in the potential-to-infinite department, I’d probably cut a mix of extra combats and copies. Bloodthirster is fun as hell but a bit expensive due to the limited print-run of the 40k Commander decks, and you could easily take him, Karlach, Kiki-Jiki and maybe 1-2 of the sorcery copy or extra combat tricks and replace them with some big dumb ugly creatures.

I recommend Lovisa Coldeyes, Goldspan Dragon, Taurean Mauler, Heartless Hidetsugu, or Rumbling Ruin for some more fair feeling stompies.

There’s also one extra sneaky infinite combat cycle in the deck in the form of Godo, Bandit Warlord and Helm of the Host. Get rid of either to neuter that potential (or just search for another equipment).

The Decklist

1 Gallia, the Merrymaker

Creatures

1 Akki Battle Squad

1 Archetype of Aggression

1 Aspiring Champion

1 Bloodthirster

1 Brighthearth Banneret

1 Calamity, Galloping Inferno

1 Clive, Ifrit's Dominant // Ifrit, Warden of Inferno

1 Combat Celebrant

1 Desert Were-Worm

1 Enduring Courage

1 Etali, Primal Storm

1 Flamerush Rider

1 Gimli of the Glittering Caves

1 Godo, Bandit Warlord

1 Gornog, the Red Reaper

1 Jaxis, the Troublemaker

1 Kami of Celebration

1 Kargan Intimidator

1 Karlach, Fury of Avernus

1 Kiki-Jiki, Mirror Breaker

1 Knuckles the Echidna

1 Laelia, the Blade Reforged

1 Metallic Mimic

1 Moraug, Fury of Akoum

1 Port Razer

1 Professional Face-Breaker

1 Prosperous Bandit

1 Rose, Cutthroat Raider

1 Samut, Hazoret's Champion

1 Tannuk, Steadfast Second

Sorceries

1 Blasphemous Act

1 Full Throttle

1 Kindred Charge

1 Mana Geyser

1 Molten Duplication

1 Overpowering Attack

1 Relentless Assault

1 Seize the Spotlight

1 Twinflame

1 Vandalblast

1 World at War

Instants

1 Big Score

1 Chaos Warp

1 First Day of Class

1 Great Train Heist

1 Savage Beating

1 Seething Song

1 Untimely Malfunction

Artifacts

1 Cursed Mirror

1 Embercleave

1 Helm of the Host

1 RMS Titanic

1 Ruby Medallion

1 Sol Ring

1 Swiftfoot Boots

1 The Fire Crystal

1 The Reaver Cleaver

Enchantments

1 Aggravated Assault

1 Berserkers' Onslaught

1 Fable of the Mirror-Breaker // Reflection of Kiki-Jiki

1 Molten Echoes

1 Sneak Attack

1 Uncivil Unrest

Lands

1 Arena of Glory

1 Command Tower

1 Drannith Ruins

1 Exotic Orchard

25 Mountain

1 Nykthos, Shrine to Nyx

1 Rogue's Passage

1 Shinka, the Bloodsoaked Keep

1 Spinerock Knoll

1 Tyrite Sanctum

1 Valakut, the Molten Pinnacle

1 War Room

Upgrades

1 Jeska’s Will

1 Deflecting Swat

1 Roaming Throne

1 Agatha’s Soul Cauldron

1 Dolmen Gate

1 Urza’s Incubator

1 Redirect Lightning

1 The Ozolith